The Secret to Getting What You Want

The Secret to Getting What You Want

There are numerous personal growth programs built around what seems like the complex concept of how to get what you really want in life….shifting your mindset, checking for energetic alignment, crafting your vision, and much more.

I believe in these things, by the way, but there is one more, much overlooked approach:  Ask for it.

As a coach, I hear clients often talk about their discontentment:  

….I don’t make enough money (Did you ask for a raise?)  No.

….My relationship isn’t working (Did you ask how it should be different?) No.

 …I need a loan to put this deal together (Did you talk to a bank or loan specialist and ask what it would take to accomplish that?) No.

….and on and on.  So often the answer is no.

But asking is powerful.  As an entrepreneurial woman, I have found I have to ask for what I want.  Clearly. Without apology. (Much harder to do than write about).  But for simple guidelines here are somewhat altered excerpts Tony Robbins thoughts:

  1. Step #1: Ask specifically.  (The more you can describe what you want, the more likely someone can help you get it.)
  2. Step #2: Ask someone who can help you. (Yikes, this hit a note in our Momentum™ coaching group.  I know I’ve complained to my friends about my computer problems when I should be talking to an IT specialist and so forth.)
  3. Step #3: Tell them why it’s valuable for you or maybe them. Creates connections and value for the person you’re asking.
  4. Step #4: Ask with focused, congruent belief.
  5. Step #5: Ask until you get it.

Which ones do you relate to?  As a group, it seemed that #1, #2, and #4 got the most discussion.  What about you?

What would change if you “Asked” more? What fears or concerns stand in the way of asking?  Many of us have been taught asking is a weakness, but the truth is:

Asking is a strategy.  Use it liberally.

Let me know your thoughts on this at


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